When There's More Behind You Than In Front Of You

To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Bernard Baruch

I have been repeating something a lot lately..........35 years ago, 40 years ago, etcetera, etcetera. 

Someone on facebook was trying to stop smoking and I realized I stopped smoking 33 years ago. Ashley's daughter, Sienna, did a tie-dye project and I realized I wore that look 40 - some years ago. When some of my younger friends reach my age I will likely be DEAD! How's that for an OMG. 

The strange thing about it is, the body ages but not the mind. Hopefully, but not necessarily, one matures. But, I don't think of myself as any different, until I get that unexpected glimpse of myself. Now that's a bitch, when you see yourself without being prepared. When you look in a mirror there is a subconscious preparedness happening. But when you get a glimpse of yourself without thinking about it, that's when the world momentarily collapses around you and leaves you wonder what the @#%$*&^ happened. 

Ten years from now I will look back and wish I was this age again. And if there are another ten years after that I will think the same thing. I think I like the Benjamin Button idea, born old and grow young. Or I could try a portrait in the attic, ala Dorian Gray. In the meantime I guess I'll just continue to hone my 'crazy old lady' persona and get all I can out of this, since I can't seem to figure out how to stop it. I don't think I will go gently into that good night, though.