My father 1939
Happy Birthday
I grew up without much affection, except for my grandmother and a bit from him. He was a smart, athletic and extremely selfish person. He loved to ice skate and had me on double bladed skates by the time I was three. He taught me to ice dance. There was an ice arena near our home and he got into long blades sometime in the late '60s. I carried my ice skating skills to roller-skates in my early teens. We also had a rollerskating arena near home.
He was the reason I got my first horse. He loved horses and had an American Saddlebred as a boy and an Arabian as a young man. Guess what I have owned for forty years. My first horse was a draft cross, he encouraged me toward a steady, well trained fellow, which was the right thing to do.
He is also the reason I was able to ski. I joined the ski club in junior high and he encouraged me. I spent years on downhill skis. He taught me how to change car oil, how to change a tire.
What he didn't do was protect his two children from our mother.
39 comments:
Families are so damned hard. I'm so sorry Sandra.
Thanks, but no need. I have reconciled with all of it and I do forgive him. It was a tough situation and he was kind of a pampered guy, Pixie. He married a sociopath and didn't know what to do, so he protected himself. He did bring my maternal grandmother to our house to live, which helped a lot.
I can't imagine a father even talking to me, let alone teaching me anything. Good thing I had a mother! Families are situations to recover from later.
Families are so complicated. I'm sorry Sandra.
Your dad was a very handsome guy!
I love how supportive your dad was. He also has quite the look - there seems to be a questioning lift to the eyebrows. My mom was our teacher, dad, not so much. He was too busy with work and his pursuits.
I understand this all too well.
Yes, what good are all those skills and interests if he couldn't protect his children?
He was a handsome man. And sharing interests with your child(ren) is a way of showing love. There are other ways, sometimes I think that generation didn't really understand.
Remembering the good things makes me feel better sometimes. I hope it does the same for you.
I carry some anger toward the people who raised me. I also recognize that neither one of them could do better than they did. I'm grateful for the times they did things right. There were many.
From my standpoint, Ma'am. You are a lucky person to have a father who taught you the lessons of Life. As I read, I am reminded of my limited knowledge of my own Father.
That last line hit hard. Sorry about whatever they put you through.
I'm so sorry about your mother! Thank you for telling us. ❤️
Dear Sandra, I am so very sorry about your mother. I'm sorry your dad didn't protect you from her. My mother loved us but she disappeared into herself with a deep depression that lasted for weeks at a time, where she hardly said a word. I'm glad you had your grandmother's affection and some from your dad. Families can be very complicated.
Some men think it is a woman's job to raise the children...thank goodness for a Grandmother!
Are you ready for this? My Mom and my Nanna were both born on February 14th. When I was 5 and 6 years old I lived with my Nanna as my parents were going back and forth to the Cleveland Clinic with my brother. My grandfather died before I was born. She refused to speak English and I spoke Albanian at home with her. Horses, ice dancing, roller skating and skiing....not to mention working on cars. You grew up with many talents. So sorry your father did not protect you from your mother.
Sandra! February 14th is also the birthday of my Mother and my Nanna (who I lived with when I was 5 and 6 as my parents were going back and forth to the Cleveland Clinic with my brother). She refused to speak English and I spoke Albanian at home. It sounds liked you learned an awful lot from your father as you were growing up. Too bad he was not able to protect you from you mother....I know how difficult it was for you after she passed.
That last sentence is heartbreaking. For a chil f to have to be protected from their mother, it's hard to even think about. I so wish your memories could be erased, changed. Sending love, Sandra.
And this is where it's hard for people to understand, Boud. People readily accept that father's can be distant, cruel, violent. Not mother's. It makes people uncomfortable. Yes, family situations are often that.
Yes, generally they are, Miss Merry. He always had a flair!
I think I got that look from him, Dreaming.
I'm sorry about that, Lori.
This was the one area where he was weak, nick. I don't know how long it was after they were married that he realized she wasn't that sweet little thing she showed to the world. I'd guess for a while. He was at work a lot, so he was able to avoid responsibility.
I don't doubt he had some affection, Ami. I don't hold any rancor toward him. I accept it as it was. A man selfish by nature and nurture who was overwhelmed.
You painted such a clear picture of how much he shaped your world, especially with skating, horses, skiing, and all those practical things that stayed with you. That kind of influence matters.
I also hear the hurt in what you shared at the end. It’s a lot to hold both the good and the painful parts of someone at the same time.
Thank you for trusting us with something that personal.
I do understand some of that mix myself. I grew up with harsh women and no one who stepped in to protect me.
There is no denying that part of it, Tommy. If only it were left at that.
As I aged it hit me more how complicit he was by his silence. Also by his feeding her what she wanted to hear.
I talk about it once in awhile because it is rarely revealed, Cheerful. The overall most common statistic is 9.1 percent of the US population has a personality disorder.
I truly believe my grandmother saved me, Denise. I always thought my brother had an easier time as her golden child but he didn't. She destroyed him and my father had often open disgust for him. I hope he has come to a place of understanding and peace. I haven't seen nor heard from in in 32 years.
In that time it was.
Wow! Both of them. Now we have a trio, Lori.My grandfather died when I was 4. Those had to be some tough years for the family. Do you still speak Albanian? My brother and I were not deprived of things. In that respect I lived a good life.
I spent 8 months working on the house after she died, Lori. Matthew and I found it to be therapeutic. Her death allowed me to come to terms with life. He says he's still struggling.
No, I don't want those memories erased, Sue. I am no longer angry, I've come to terms with how things were and actually continued to be until she died. Her death released me.
I didn't actually think too much about what I wrote, just matter-of-fact, Jane. I know that I'm not alone and I hope my openness about it may be of some help to someone else. My wish is no one would have to they were not protected. I'm sorry you went through that.
I'm sorry. The process to forgiveness can be complicated.
I knew some people who had saddle bred. They let me ride on of there 5 gaited one.
It can be, e.
We found out by accident on of my saddlebreds was 5 gaited when the trainer took him into a harvested corn field and he started gaiting, Dora. She was so excited!! I bet you enjoyed the ride.
Very sad, my heart goes out to you Sandra. No child should have to go through that. I am very sorry you lost your brother too. Your grandmother must have been a saint.
Dear Sandra, I am doing sorry that you had this experience. It isn't like we can choose our family, either. Thank you so much for sharing.
I'm glad he taught you so much but very sorry about the last part.
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