Everything sublime is as difficult as it is rare. Baruch Spinoza

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Lost

I believe I have lost my voice. 
I am sorry for my unexplained absence. I have had nothing to say and I have not had the impetus needed for me to try to engage in what others are saying. In short, I believe I am despondent and need the time to get myself back.

I read too much. I am very worried about the future and the daily news does not help my cause. So I have put myself to the work on my farm and little else.
We had a beautiful snowfall overnight. I will be spending considerable time plowing us out, but the beauty of the landscape is worth it. The horses will appreciate the cushioning it provides, as the frozen, rutted ground was hard on the feet. I appreciate the lift it gives my spirit.
I am thankful for the kind people who check on my welfare. As I have mentioned in the past, I lead a somewhat isolated life and winter only increases the solitude, so it is welcome when someone wonders what has happened to me. I am alive, I am well. I'm just bummed.

16 comments:

  1. This will sound trite, but you need to be positive. Things change. They always do. Politics is a pendulum. It swings right, then it swings left. It is better to be angry than to get morose. Hang in there.

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  2. I've thought of you offten and hoped you were well. I chose/choose to isolate rather than deal (that's how I happen to be in dirtville)In someway's it works, but there's a price to be paid.

    I can't watch or listen to the news. Ignorance is not bliss, but it helps me from going any further over the edge.

    Take good care!

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  3. So glad to hear you are well. I was wondering about you just yesterday - noticing how much time had elapsed since your last post.

    I am just now reading a book on psychosomatics. If you can find a way to shift out of your despair, disappointment, disdain for the state of the world, it will be so much better for the health of your body. Years of research indicate that such a state of mind is eventually manifested by the body and can result in illness. You do not have to change your opinions about what is going on, but how you are allowing it to affect you could be shifted and managed for the good of your whole organism. Sorry, for the unsolicited advice, but like Bruce before me - I want the best for you. I try to expand my moments of pleasure and delight and minimize my frustrations and despair - not denying them - just not dwelling on them.

    Your photos are beeeeautiful! It is snowing here today and I am hoping we get a significant snowfall. Beauty is such a consolation and ever available to us.

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  4. I have missed you and so appreciate that you've come here to let us know that you're all right. I'm sorry to hear that you're bummed -- and hope that you might feel better soon.

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  5. I awoke to a winter wonderland too, and it is lovely. It would be lovlier if our snowblower wasn't broken and it wasn't such wet heavy snow. Oh well, we have nowhere to go today anyway.

    I call what you are going through turtling, I fight it often, as I am a pessimist by nature. It is hard to find things to be positive about when you read and think and see too much, so sometimes it is best not to look until you reboot. I console myself with relativity and think ridiculous things like, so what Social Security is unfunded - in a few billion years the sun will become a red giant and the earth will be fried. My other thought is that the world has been going to hell in a handbag for generations, and yet here we are, still trying to figure it all out.

    Things that make me feel better are reading about young, idealistic people making a difference in the world, keeping up with the Bill Gates foundation on twitter and trying to completely avoid any fox news or partisan bickering. If I could stop looking at NASA satellite images of deforestation and mining, I wouldn't hyperventilate so much, but I can't not look at those.

    When everything else fails I bake bread and try not to drink too much wine. Oh, and I read somewhere that making a smile face releases endorphins in your brain to make you feel happier. I do it when I'm miserable and it at least makes me laugh because I look ridiculous. I think I miss my sense of humor more than I miss my skin tone since menopause.

    We can't change what happens around us, only ourselves. I wish for you some peace and contentment, and know how fleeting it can be some days. Someone said it didn't come to stay, it came to pass, and I like that one.

    Jeeze, I can't stop babbling, but do you take vitamin D and B supplements? My friends and I are discovering that we are all deficient in one or both and have found improvement in sleep and mood since taking them.

    I wish you the best, and hope you check in when you can. I miss seeing the pictures of your food and am sure you've left yourself a pile of breadcrumbs so you can find your way home. xo

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  9. Sorry for the multiple deletes, that was me. Google went wonky and booted me off twice and when I logged back in, my coment was in quadruplicate, though I only clicked publish two times.
    I thought of something else I wanted to tell you. My best friend lives a country away from me, and she is the funniest person I know. She is a pediatric nurse for the sickest of children and used to be an EMT, so she has reason to be sad but she just never is. I blame genetics, Anyway, whenever I get depressed or mopey she says the same thing to me and it always makes me laugh - Cheer your ass up, bitch. Hope it makes you laugh too, and if I were going to say that to you I would change the last word to sweetie. :)

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  10. Oh my Sandra! Look at all that love pouring over the net straight to your heart. Hope it squeezed you hard and made you laugh and cry at the same time.
    I too have missed you and hoped you were recovering from your illness and blues.
    Thanks for sharing the beautiful snow photos, Nature is a great healer.
    Blessings!

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  11. It was good to see a post by you and that the snow has given you comfort by its beauty. Life is so odd, the highs and lows and coming out of know where suddenly. I have had two severe daggers to my life of recently, A reminder I suppose of how fragile our lives really are.
    I hope you find your way, those horses need you and you need them. Let them help lead the way.
    Hugs.

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  12. I think of you...
    thank you for this piece of your heart.
    it is exactly why the connection is there...
    you have a soul that makes connections.
    no obligations. just that certain something.

    hugs.
    stay warm .

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  13. Bruce, I know, I know. I am worn out from being angry. Now I'm moving toward being resigned.

    gsc, if I could tolerate the desert, I would join you. Poor Stumpy wouldn't know what to make of Grace & Howard.

    Bonnie, I actually have given some thought to how my mental state is effecting my physical wellbeing. Not only are we what we eat, we are how we think. Living in a country that is destroying itself makes happy thoughts a little hard to have, but I know I need to find some perspective. When the whole landscape is so distorted it can be hard to find. Perspective, that is. I want to live in Canada.

    Elizabeth, thank you. I'll be OK. What else can I do?

    Mel, I think we are alike. Knowing how I am, I think I should give you sympathy! I have a freezer full of baguettes I made two weeks ago. Many baguettes. And I will cheer my ass up. Or at least get my ass up. I'm not consistent with vitamins. I usually forget about it after a couple of weeks. I should try to do better. And I do toss the breadcrumbs, but I think Howard eats them.

    Deb, I do feel it. It's amazing isn't it. The snow is lovely. Sparkling white and clean. I'm going to get back in the swing of things. I can't stay sad forever.

    Judy, I am sorry to hear you had sad events in your life. You know, when i think of you, I think of Johnny and his horses. I don't think of your beautiful jewelry, I think of your time helping with the horses. So I will forever associate you with the beasties.

    deb, this is one of the nicer things someone has said to me. Thank you.

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  14. I am so pleased you posted. I try & check Facebook too & worried when I heard Mark was unwell too but knowing you decided you just needed some time out & didn't want to intrude. That being said I thought you were taking longer than usual to bounce back so fretted. I do miss you when you aren't posting but this is our totally insane time of the year so I hadn't got round to chasing you as I otherwise might have. The Star is in supernova mode. It is just insane for the whole month. It is all right for her. She just has to sing, which she loves. I have to drive in the city, which I hate. Roll on January!

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  15. Ganeida, The Star keeps you moving in high gear! I'll be back at it soon. Work is backed up right now and takes precedence. Sad, but true. : )

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  16. we have that beautiful fluffy snow too and i find it has lifted my spirits considerably.

    i hope you're feeling less despondent soon.

    and stop watching the news...or only watch the daily show and maybe a bit of BBC, it will help.

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I really appreciate the concept and sentiment behind awards, but I cannot participate in them anymore. I have too may and I have not got the time to devote to participating properly. To all who have honored me, I am grateful but I don't have seven more things to tell anyone about myself! And I'm a terrible passer-oner.