Everything sublime is as difficult as it is rare. Baruch Spinoza

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

An Evolving Life

Ego. It's a powerful motivator, a driving force behind so many actions. It's also a limiting agent, often trapping a person in an unproductive cycle when it doesn't allow you to let go.


My ego was giving me some trouble over the summer and into fall. I knew I had to do something, but my self was so wrapped into it that I was having difficulty. Last week I got out of my way and I did it. I castrated two of my stallions.


For those who don't know, I had three stallions, all of which have earned the right to be intact. A lot of money and emotion has been invested in them, but the economy is not in a place for people to be buying horses, much less breeding their mares. So the boys have been unused and unhappy.


WF Impressive
(Topper)

So on Thursday the deed was done. WF Impressive and The Denver Mint became geldings. It still doesn't seem real, not emotionally anyway. Visually there is no mistaking it. The equipment is gone. Now I wait to see how much of the attitude disappears. Will Topper lose his Tarzan call? Will he stop running his feet off? Will Solo smile? Not literally, but will I feel him become happy.


The Denver Mint
(Solo)

Our greed induced recession/depression has had an effect on most people. I know I am fortunate that all I needed to do was castrate stallions instead of euthanizing horses, but I feel a loss regardless. An end of an era. Topper was the last of his line. 


I still have Zing. Zing has a job, he has Kristina riding him several times a week. Zing is different. He is a clown, he has ADD and it is easy to forget he is an intact male. The other two told you they where stallions. No mistaking their position. Part of the ego; my stallions. 


I know anyone reading this who has not handled breeding stallions will not be able to understand the feeling of loss. You develop a deep relationship with them. Stallions are vulnerable. Handling stallions and handling them well is a skill, a skill that is limited to a narrow group of people. Somehow I became one of those people.


Life marches on. Eventually I will stop saying 'stallions', but I don't think I had better utter the word gelding in Topper's presence! 

17 comments:

  1. I know you have been struggling with this a long time. You made a difficult decision, but it sounds like the right one.

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  2. Wow Sandra, that must be tough. I can only compare it to the time we had our golden retriever, Silken (now dead) spade. I cried for a day.

    These tough economic times are having effects that many of us know nothing about - besides all the ones we do!

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  3. Wow...You are right, I can't begin to understand what you are feeling. Bravo for your courage in doing what is right for the animals.

    I've been struggling with having my Pomeranian neutered...I know he'd calm down...never considered he might be happier too! So thanks for sharing, given me something to think about.

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  4. Could you come and do my stupid mastiff? You should see hime when the Yorkie goes in heat!

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  5. What an extremely hard decision you had to make. I certainly can understand why you had to do it.

    When I first moved to Tennessee and someone told me the horse next door was a Gelding, I did not know what that meant, they explained and I hate to tell you have I thought they took off instead. The word to me sounded so severe.

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  6. Sandra: I'm so sorry. I know you have struggled with this one for a while. So sad when others crappy decisions impact our world's so much for the worse.

    I think Zing should meet Ditz. I have a feeling they'd get on like a house on fire.

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  7. That was a selfless act. Bravo. The end of "a line" but not the end of "the line" for them.

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  8. I know you've struggled with this for awhile, give them some time to settle in and I think things will settle down some around there. I think all the time about Beau and wish I could go out East to visit him - you really do have special connections with a stallion....

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  9. Ah, Sandra, I feel your pain and your loss. It's not easy doing the right thing. Your boys will always be your boys. Thier legacy lives on in your heart and in thier beauty.

    You will have awhile longer to enjoy their "he-man" selves, wont you? Record that bugle and the snorting!

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  10. Lorac, it was very tough to decide, but I'm sure it is the right thing.

    Bonnie, I think a lot of people would be surprised how this is impacting the industry.

    Debra, the breeding instinct is strong. If an intact male is not being used for breeding purposes it will be much happier neutered. My stallions had been active breeding animals. I don't breed dogs, so I neuter as soon as possible. I think the little guy would thank you!

    Queen, I shudder at what would happen if he ever got to her. I would gladly perform brain surgery on the mastiff. : )

    Judy, so you thought he lost the whole package! That would be severe.

    Ganeida, you call yours Ditz and we call ours Nerd!

    Britwife, thank you.

    Oh Jean, isn't it the truth. I do still have them.

    B, yes there is a connection.

    gsc, I also have some of his offspring. Bounce is his son. He-Man is still very present in Topper. They are almost past the point where they can still sire. I don't think Topper will ever stop being Tarzan.

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  11. Sorry that this was a hard decision. Sounds like it was one you are at peace with though. Hugs, Ash

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  12. Hey Ashley. I wouldn't say I am at peace with it. As with all difficult choices in life, you do what you think is right. There is no going back, so there you are. Thank you for your concern. I do appreciate it.

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  13. I sympathize with you for gelding the stallions as I know you have grappled with this decision...a tough one. It does take a special someone to handle a stallion...they can be high strung one minute and the next a nickering doll. Patience, quickness and knowledge all come to mind when I think of stallions. It is a shame that we are forced to take actions such as this due to the powers that govern total ineptness and greed. The horses will survive, but they have been laid off as have so many other people in the US. The end of a line...I had to check myself. I know it was the right decision, but a hard one none the less.

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  14. I like how you put that Alicia, "the horses are laid off'. Unfortunately, there are many horses in a precarious place.

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  15. Sandra, I am sure this is hard. However, I took a paper and made a diagram of how my gelding, GDE Cassidy, (1/2 brother to Topper) was related mutiple times to each horse we had owned or bred, including our stallion, Bold Gold, and realized that even Cassidy was "breeding on" in one sense.
    Hugs.

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  16. dressagerider, I understand what you mean. But Topper was the only remaining breeding son of GGS Topper+/. It's sad to realize the male line of the bloodline is gone.

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I really appreciate the concept and sentiment behind awards, but I cannot participate in them anymore. I have too may and I have not got the time to devote to participating properly. To all who have honored me, I am grateful but I don't have seven more things to tell anyone about myself! And I'm a terrible passer-oner.