Everything sublime is as difficult as it is rare. Baruch Spinoza

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Thinks


I was all set for today. I had Arlen Spector to comment on. I was ready with a conversation about the intellectual dishonesty of words, words used to camouflage evil. I had many thinks and much to say. 

Now I am wrapped in grief over my dog and have lost the fire in my belly. Funny how the immediate moments in our lives bring us to ground. The events of the world fade away and you are left with tears and an empty space.

It is fortunate that I have too much to do, so I am not allowed to wallow. Horses need to be fed, dogs need to be fed, work needs to be done. I'll look for him throughout the day and then I'll remember and tears will well-up. This will be the worst of it, the day after. Shortly, grief flees and fond memory fills the empty space. But for now I mourn my dog.

There is never a shortage of world events to get my ire up, but there is a brief moment after loss that consumes the heart and allows for nothing but sadness and tears. I'll dwell there for a little while as I go about the ordinariness of my day. Tomorrow is waiting, today I will be sad.

12 comments:

  1. Well deserved. It will take some time before the memories take over the every day of having them at your side cross over.

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  2. You can be sad for as long as you need! When my last dog died, I cried at the supper table for weeks. And then once when Mr. Britwife and I were in Door County (5 MONTHS) after he died - I started crying in a store that sold boxer trinkets. Grief sneeks up on you that way....I understand. Just remember the love that you gave him and the good life that he had with you. I am so glad that the two of you found one another!

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  3. The finding of Atlas is a story. The local free paper had an ad from the Wright Co. Shelter, Atlas, badly needing a home. I was raised with German Shepherds and I owned an Afghan Hound, so I knew this dog was in trouble. I already had 5 dogs over 60 lbs, but I went to see him. He wanted someone so bad. I went home and got Bill, as he had recently acquired the status of 'head dog'. I wanted to see how Bill liked him, because if Bill didn't it wouldn't work. We were put in an area outside and Bill walked over to Atlas, lifted his leg and peed on him! I took Atlas home that day. Bill peed on Atlas regularly for a year. Atlas thought Bill hung the moon. I guess it was a good start to a long friendship.

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  4. I know how you are feeling. I had a maine coone cat "Jezebelle" for 20 years. She was my girl!

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  5. I cry at the very THOUGHT of my crazy little dog dying. I know the day will come.

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  6. It is the night time that is the hardest, when all is quiet and your body is still but your mind isn't...good luck my friend - it is a process

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  7. A good animal is irreplaceable. I still look for my Gyver & weep when he's not where he always was. I was distraught when we lost him. Time may ease the grief but never the pain. Bless you, my friend.

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  8. I am sooo sorry for your loss - Atlas had a huge presence and it will take awhile to get thru the loss of him. He was always a great protector of you....

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  9. Thank you everyone for your kindness. I have spent the day de-hairing the house. Atlas had a double coat and shed like crazy. I'll now see how much Howard contributes to my hair carpet. : ) Greyhound doesn't shed much, almost not at all. I don't know if I will recognize the place without pounds of dog hair.

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  10. lol. Know about the shedding. Iss is a doubled coated cat & heading into a QLD summer he sheds like there was no tomorrow! I wonder if we'll have fur balls under our chairs in heaven?

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  11. Take time to honor Atlas, you both deserve that. Let him give you comfort, that will always be his job.

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  12. It is likely I will always have hair balls.

    Thank you. I locked my kitchen door for the first time in a long time last night. Seems like a lot of responsibility to have placed on one dog, but he was up to it. Howard and Grace, not so much. I'd put my money on Margaret the cat.

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I really appreciate the concept and sentiment behind awards, but I cannot participate in them anymore. I have too may and I have not got the time to devote to participating properly. To all who have honored me, I am grateful but I don't have seven more things to tell anyone about myself! And I'm a terrible passer-oner.