My mother sent me an orchid for my birthday. I feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I somehow need to keep it alive.
I had pins in me yesterday. It did not hurt, I'm so pleased to say. As a matter of fact, acupuncture releases a sense of wellbeing while laying there stuck with needles.
There is a phenomenon that I recognize, when those who dwell in the world of people and life in a community experience and express through facial reaction, upon coming into contact with those of us who live in a completely different, um, reality. Watching the face has become a pass time of mine, sort of an out-of-body experience. I believe the acupuncturists were actually considering triage.
The very gentle, kind woman looked me in the face and tried to stay even in her tone as she told me: "Your body is freaking out". The young man sat so solemnly next to me and told me chronic problems are hard enough to help, but that I was acute. He looked so unhappy. I wanted to sooth them, tell them that it's OK, I know.
I am a stoic person, someone who somehow can keep going. I don't say this with pride, it's nothing to crow about. It brings a person to the place I am at. That is not a place to be. But it is very much a trait of people who are professionally in the business I have hung my hat on. A horse sends you flying and you get up with several cracked ribs and no one around....well you get up, clutching your side and you continue to bring them in, you throw hay down the chute, feed and water and then go in and wrap your torso. It really becomes the normal thing, something that is not given much thought. Something hurts, tape it, wrap it, medicate it, whatever. It is a matter of time before the body freaks out.
There is a price for everything and my bill has been presented. It seems my body is demanding payment in full. All of those things which seemed normal and rational at the time come around later for a visit. A long visit.
Bette Davis was so right when she said something about getting old not being for sissies. Once upon a time, I was Wonder Woman. Now, I'm simply a woman wondering "What the hell."
The good news, they think they can help me. I think so too. So I will behave and let them.