Love, Loss And A Horse

There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse.  ~Robert Smith Surtees

My boy is unhappy. He is a crabby, agitated stallion. I didn't recognize it initially because Zing does have ADHA, so his unhappiness escaped me for awhile. It finally occurred to me, he misses Kristina.

Zing is Kristina's horse. She rides him. She fusses with him. I raised him. I feed him. I am the enforcer. She is his person. Zing is a hand-raised orphan, which has caused him to have a different relationship with people. He believes we are an ugly species of horse. Or, he is a gorgeous version of human. Zing is very tuned in to his surroundings and his relationships. 

Personal matters, weather and car problems have kept Kristina away for a couple of months. Zing is not pleased. His girl is coming out today and he will be like a happy puppy when he sees her. Which is not as cute as it sounds when the puppy is a thousand pound stallion.

This brings me to my next problem. I have had several young woman pass through my barn over the years. The key is, they pass through. The horses never became attached to these women, until now. The reality is, Kristina will not be any different. She will move on. And Zing will mourn. Which means I will mourn. He is my baby, all four legs and thousand pounds. But his dear heart belongs to a temporary love.

Thursday's Thinks

I have forced myself to contradict myself in order to avoid conforming to my own taste.

Marcel Duchamp (1887-1968) French Artist

Contradictions. We are made up of a series of contradictions. Some people more so than others, but it is, I think a common thread and what makes people interesting. Also frustrating.

I am a walking contradiction. I don't have religious beliefs and yet I can be preachily moralistic, almost Calvinist. I have an unease about people becoming so isolated in their lives as they retreat into the iPods, cellphones and twitter life, yet I blog. I don't care for coarse behavior, yet I can be as coarse as anyone if the right button is pushed. I am somewhat reticent and then gregarious. The idea of people going out shooting animals for sport is repulsive to me, yet I eat meat.

Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.

George Orwell

I say "God help me", but I don't believe in God. Yet, I firmly believe in the freedom to worship and would argue for that right to my last breath. I also would argue as forcefully that I should be able to be free from religion. I admire and enjoy beautiful things in life, yet I am always a mess. I believe people have a right to their own beliefs, yet I get really annoyed when those beliefs are uninformed.

I love my dogs and usually want to wring their necks. I think politically correct is a label conservatives came up with to excuse boorish behavior and yet I often fall into the trap.

I was urban born and raised, thought the country would never be for me. I live in the country. I like living in the country but would not want to raise a child in the country. I had one child and didn't want the responsibility of any more and I own 25 horses and all the responsibility that comes with it.

I love being around people and I seek solitude. I can take myself very seriously and I can laugh at myself easily. I can be smug and condescending and humble and self-deprecating. I believe one can only forgive if forgiveness is asked for, yet I don't have an ability to turn my back on people.

I'm simple, complex, impossible, easy-going, kind, hard as nails, hardworking, languid. Introspective, thick as a brick, intellectual and sophomoric. Friendly and withdrawn. I guess I'm human.

IRREVERENCE

Every society honors its live conformists, and its dead troublemakers.  ~Mignon McLaughlin

Lunch With A Friend

My friends are my estate.

- Emily Dickinson

A simple pleasure. An afternoon spent eating, swapping stories, reminiscing. Realizing life is more than the hustle and bustle of the next thing that needs doing. 

You know, we go around, chasing our tail and forgetting about the important things. Too much time on internet forums, facebook and blogs and not enough face time with the people in our lives. Quick snippets of interaction, helpful to be sure in our busy times, but a poor substitute for an afternoon spent over a leisurely lunch which is a lovely excuse for time with a person.

I thank my friend for an uplifting afternoon of conversation and fine food. Too long a time has passed between. I won't let that happen anymore.

Poetry Wednesday

To the Thawing Wind

Come with rain. O loud Southwester!
Bring the singer, bring the nester;
Give the buried flower a dream;
make the settled snowbank steam;
Find the brown beneath the white;
But whate'er you do tonight,
bath my window, make it flow,
Melt it as the ice will go;
Melt the glass and leave the sticks
Like a hermit's crucifix;
Burst into my narrow stall;
Swing the picture on the wall;
Run the rattling pages o'er;
Scatter poems on the floor;
Turn the poet out of door.

Robert Frost

LOLA!

Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden...

Author Unknown

I know everyone is going to be tired of the fact that I learned how to post videos. Blame my friend Jeni. 

This cracks me up. I don't want to disillusion my blogger friends (or some of you who have known me awhile), but I had a life before the farm and it was rather different from this. I used to hang out at Froggy's on Lake St. on Friday nights with the transvestites and this was a favorite song. I remember a duplex I lived in, in the Wedge neighborhood of Minneapolis. One night, late, the neighbors had a big party and a bunch of drunken young men were in the yard singing this. They had no idea what it was about, but they sure were having a good time!

It's a, fun, mischievous song by one of the great bands, the Kinks. I'll stop. I think. But it's an enjoyable way to spend my time in the evening and it makes me laugh. So bear with me. I'll go back to being my age eventually! 

For Jean & Ganeida

Buffalo Springfield

Monday, Monday

Monday is the key day of the week.

Gaelic Proverb

All the same to me. One day is generally the same as the next on the farm, so Monday doesn't mean a lot to me. Tuesday, now that is the day the farrier usually comes, so there is a difference on Tuesday. And this Tuesday I will have lunch with a friend I have not seen in a few years, as well as have the farrier out. So Tuesday is the day for me.

It's cold in MN again. We had a couple of nice days, but now we are punched in the face with cold weather once again. That's the way it goes, but I don't have to like it. But, as one day follows another, so do the months. Spring will come.

Since it's Monday I thought I would take myself down another musical memory road. Mama's and Papa's. And another singer my young heart had a crush on: Denny Doherty. Ah, well. 

Monday, Monday.

Back In The Day

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible. 

Cherie Carter-Scott

I don't know how much a strong-willed young woman should trust her choices, but when you are that person.........you believe whatever you do is full of possibles and damn the mistakes.

I was a young adult in the late 1960's. I was a colorful young woman who took full advantage of the tumultuous times I found myself in. I did things I shouldn't have done, but I did them and overall, I don't regret it. Every generation has it's time and this was mine. It would have been a horrible time to be a parent, but I wasn't, they were. Poor dears. I was a terror.

I was introduced to the music of Shawn Phillips while I was at a party I should not have been at. I became hooked. If I had met this man and he told me he was leaving that night for Istanbul, come along. Less than a heartbeat. I would have gone.  

So here's to youthful hearts and wistful memories. A poet with an amazing voice. Now I'm going to remember...........

An older Shawn, but still has the voice.

Honored And Passing It On

I am honored that Just Jules has bestowed me with this award, The Superior Scribbler Award. 

I started this little ramble about 6 months ago as a release of some of the musings of my mind. Being alone much of the time, I guess I needed to talk to someone, so I chose cyber space! In doing so, I found a few people who actually read what I write. Who'd a thought!

There are some strings attached and they are as follows:

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Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the Award on to 5 most-deserving Blog Friends.

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You must link to the author and name of the blog from where he/she has received the award.

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You must display the Award on your blog and link to THIS POST, which explains the Award.
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Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add your name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, they will be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.You must post these rules on your blog.
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Each recipient must post these rules on his/her blog.

Ganeida, a weaver of words Ganeida's Knots

Jeni, my friend and a smart funny new blogger Jen's Page

Brainy and Beautiful, whose blog is both Brainy and Beautiful

Britwife, funny and irreverent  Losing my Sanity, a little Brit at a Time

Finally, my first blogger friend Ashley. Ashley has a closed blog, but she has entertained me daily with her life in Brazil and she has people she can pass this to  As Aventuras Dumas