Everything sublime is as difficult as it is rare. Baruch Spinoza

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Memories in the Corner of My Mind

Good Morning

It's sunny, mild temperature and unfortunately....high humidity. Image that. Rain. Sun. Rain. Repeat. Mark has his brother's funeral this week. I have, strangely, gone through a grieving process over the death of a man I once loved, a death that happened five years ago, hearing of it in April. Grief is a strange thing. Emotions will do as they will do. Forty-five years just sort of washed away as my mind took a slow walk down memory lane. When you look at your past, your memories with purpose, it surprised me how long the trip is, going back to when we consider ourselves adults. The mistakes, the accomplishments. The sorrow and the joy. The birth of foals, the birth of a baby boy. A marriage. A divorce. An intense relationship. A sad parting. A geeky, kind man who waits for you to decide. A man who still tells me he won the lottery. A man who encouraged me to talk about my feelings about David's death. I think, just perhaps, I won the lottery.



 Someone else who won the lottery.

18 comments:

Boud said...

I suspect you both won the lottery!

Rita said...

I agree with Boud. :)
Have a "memorable" day. ;)

Val Ewing said...

Indeed! This is worth thinking about.
After many trials and failures, I too finally met one man who was actually honest and true. Who did not lie and play mind f''k games.

It does feel like I won something. Your description is perfectly accurate.

Sandra said...

Boud, I suspect you are correct. Gatto, too!

Sandra said...

Rita, I'll try. 🙂

Sandra said...

Val, often we overlook what is right in front of us. Then...we see it!

CheerfulMonk said...

A very apt phrase! I'm happy for you both. ❤️

Pixie said...

It's called complicated grief and it's a thing. I'm so glad Mark understands. Sending hugs.

Sandra said...

CheerfulMonk, I think so too. We've had our highs and lows like everyone else, but we are still standing!

Sandra said...

That's a good name for it, Pixie. It surprised me, I haven't given him much thought, if at all, in years. And yet, grief creeped up on me. I was still attached to the other guy when I met Mark at a ski club event. The relationship was teetering, I was very angry, not a good thing when you come from a grudge holding family. Mark just hung around and waited for the inevitable. So, he is well aware of the relationship. I am better now.

Miss Merry said...

Grief is such a funny thing - pops up when you think it is over and starts again. It's hard to believe sometimes about how time has passed so quickly. But it sounds like the place you are in now is perfect.

Lori Skoog said...

So nice that you can really talk to Mark. That's the real relationship!

Anvilcloud said...

It's good if you both think you've won.
It's nice to see cats living the good life.

Sandra said...

Miss Merry, not perfect but good. Perfect would be boring. I was surprised by the feeling of grief, but there it was.

Sandra said...

Lori, Lori, Mark is a good guy. It's been up and down over all these years, but mostly up. He likes the horses, that alone makes him a keeper!

Sandra said...

AC, it is.Gatto loves life and lets us know it.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Feelings of grief are different for everyone, you do you. That is one lucky cat:)

Sandra said...

Far Side, I am over it now, which is why I can bring it up. I did have about a month of disquiet, I have to admit. The whole thing got to me for awhile. Now I’m simply glad Mark no longer has his motorcycle.