When we moved here in January 1994 I felt I had fallen off the earth. I had lived in a city my entire life and suddenly, by my own doing, I was in unfamiliar territory. It was tax season, so Mark had long hours away from home, my horses were still in Stillwater, which is on the eastern edge of Minnesota, next to Wisconsin. They didn't move here until June. I had five dogs, my three and two the prior owner had left, and two cats. I was certain I had made the biggest mistake of my life and let me tell you, I'd made a few big ones. I went into one of the nearby towns one day a week or so after the movers had dumped us here. All furniture, etc. was left in the large part of the house. Another story. Anyway....I was in a small shop buying something, a nice older woman checking out my purchase. She asked me how my day was going. I started to cry, I never cried, telling her my story. That woman kind of saved me. Saved me more misery. She was so gentle, assuring me I would be ok, change is hard. Her compassion helped me accept where I was and why I was there. I saw her often after that. What a treasure she was.
Change is hard. I stopped feeling scared after awhile. Funny, that. People in the area thought I would feel safe after leaving the "dangerous big city". I'd never heard gunfire until I moved here. Having five large dogs did help. All this to say, it is rural, but not that rural. In ten minutes I can be in front of the studio/compound of Prince. Minneapolis is 20-25 minutes away. At that time, though, it felt like I was in the wilds of Alaska. It was January in Minnesota, after all.
Over thirty years, still not seen as a member of the community, but you need to be here at least three generations for that to happen. Then you are, maybe, ok.
27 comments:
It's amazing to remember the people who step in and out of your life at exactly the right time. I sometimes wonder if *I* have been that person for someone else.
I read once that moving to a new city causes as much emotional stress as a death in the family. We last moved 35 years ago, and I remember how off balance I felt for a long time.
I get a similar feeling when changing jobs.
Your flowers look great, I like the overgrown look. If I manage to remember, I should get out front and take some pics here. We also have the overgrown and wild thing going on. Hummingbirds like our front yard. We have no grass, though. Just plants, trees, boulders and rocks.
Ami, I'd like to think I have been, but I don't know. Anymore than she new what she did for me. Unless I told her and don't remember.
The change of scenery is bad enough, but man, these people are a closed society. Living in a city you don't really understand the not nice Minnesota. Stay at arms length and they will smile, then have opinions to express to the others in the circle. Who they also don't actually like. Good thing I had lots to do on my own!
The overgrown look suits my under-grown ambition.
When I moved here and married my husband, I married a local so I became a local by default so there is that.
Our place was known as the Wither Place until Glen Wither died at his place along the Mississippi River. Now it is the Old Mule Man's Place down in the hole.
Our ridge is a little more open as there are not so many of us. We get along but leave each other alone unless we are called upon for something. Most of the time we just wave at each other and continue on.
Socialization is much different in the rural world.
The new folks that keep moving into our area do get the sideways glance from some of us old timers. The new folks that are escaping California and Chicago have ideas of how we should be. It doesn't always go over so well.
However town is 10 miles away and is rated as one of WI friendliest towns. Yep, we are, we like your money.
LOL.
It is not easy to break into the rural society.
Some societies are very coupled. I have a couple of single friends in Minnesota who, even though born in Minnesota, are outsiders, not invited where couples are. It's pretty tough. We found Wisconsin, aside from the Uni folk,who started talking to us after two years (!) was very suspicious of furriners. But NJ, never a problem. Friends everywhere. But NJ has always had a lot of mixed populations, shore State with ports, many immigrants. Also it felt right, you know how a place is right! The country I was born in was cold and hostile from the jump, never belonged there.
Val, ours was the Wendt farm! There is no socialization here. A bunch of German Americans who have lived here forever. A neighbor who has now moved told me they changed churches after several years, going to another community, because they were never actually welcome there. She was the only person I had to interact with. She grew up on a farm in SD and still wasn't welcome! I do get a laugh out of Minnesota nice.
Boud, I found the two cities to be much more open. But then, I was from there, even if not from the neighborhoods I lived in nor from Minneapolis where I also lived. When I lived in Atlanta I was known as 'Yankee", so that was interesting! I've learned over the years that I have been referred to as the mean lady, the lady with fancy horses and recently learned of diva. You can tell they like me, right? 😄
You found your place in NJ.
You remind me of my own culture shock story. We moved from the city of Montreal to the far fringes of Toronto and found ourselves living on a nursery about 2 miles from a corner store. And we didn't have a car at the time.
AC, that was a problem. I bet you soon bought a car!
I live in small town for so many years. It would be shock if I had to go into city.
I once meant a guy from Pelican Rapids.
Coffee is on
Rural Minnesota can be brutal! Minnesota nice is not always evident. I grew up two miles from where we live now, when we moved back 30 years later is was hard to be accepted again...I suppose because we left. Some are nicer than other, some still have their noses up their own butts. :)
PS~~ I got sidetracked with the social part. Your gardens are wonderful!
We've never lived anywhere truly rural. In 2000 we moved from London to Belfast which wasn't a big change as it was another city, just a smaller one. I can imagine that moving somewhere so rural from a city must be quite a transition, so I'm glad it worked out for you. Funny that for a while it seemed more dangerous!
Dora, I bet it would be. For someone from a city, the opposite was quite a shock!
Far Side, as a fellow Minnesotan you know the myth of the "nice" part. Passive aggressive behavior finely tuned! Nose up their butts describes it well.
Thanks, Val. The beautiful, invasive phlox!
nick, it is culture shock for sure. I was used to neighbors, not being alone, even when I was. It was frightening to be so alone. My dogs were a great help.
I grew up in a suburb of Minneapolis (Fridley), but I moved so many times from 1968 when I left home till I moved up here to Fargo-Moorhead in 1999 I lost track at 30. Longest I had ever lived anywhere was almost three years. I lived in cities and in the country in Minnesota and Wisconsin...but was never around long enough to not be a stranger. I always felt like a turtle...carried my home with me wherever I went.
I did learn that I am one of those people that other people very often just talk to. Whether at a job or when I was at the grocery store or a bus stop or even out for a walk sometimes. People...strangers...we would share life stories...which I find fascinating! I find people fascinating. But when I am at home, I do prefer to be alone. I know. Odd. BTW, I've only moved twice since I ended up way up here in this area. First lived in Moorhead while going to college. Moved across the river to Fargo in 2004 when my life drastically altered and I had to quit school. Silver lining of becoming disabled--have only moved once since 2004--lol! This move coming up should be my last. :)
Your yard is a beautiful flower wonder land. It must bring you joy to look out and see the beauty of yours and Mark's hard work.
When I lived in Salt Lake City I lived in Brother Scharf's house as the neighbors called it. Brother because he was a member of the Mormon church. Your memories were heart warming about the sweet person reaching out to comfort you. You are such a good communicator/story teller.
Take Care,
Kaye
I forgot to mention the cat enjoying a summer moment on the porch.
Kaye
Rita, you grew up is what used to be tornado alley. But you know that! There are some interesting stories in your life, I'll bet on that. That is quite a lot of moves. I have never been in NW MN or ND.
I have always been something of a loner, but not a reclusive as I have become. Where I live has a lot to do with that. Also health. I can tell you would be someone people are drawn to. That is a positive quality.
Kaye. The phlox took over years ago and I gave up fighting it. It always wins. The upside is it's pretty.
Another place I haven't been, Utah. Some properties do carry the name of a previous owner for a long time. No one calls this the Wendt farm anymore, but at least 20 years living here that was what it was. And we didn't buy from the Wendts.
Living in the mountains must be beautiful and a little overwhelming at times.
It always amazes me how kind people can be. I started crying in a Paris cafe once, and a young woman came over to my table and helped me and my daugther find our hotel.
Your flowers are gorgeous.
Pixie, crying in a Paris cafe and crying in a small town shop are different only in local. The kindness of both women is the commonality.
Sandra,
Yes, I was in the Fridley Junior High gymnasium for a Science Fair in 1965 when the first tornado arrived unexpectedly. Watched the gymnasium roof blow up and away, section by section...walked home in-between tornadoes. Yes, I do have some stories--lol! ;)
We moved from more populous areas of NJ to a small town on the VA eastern shore (pop. 500) and lived there 12 years. We would never be known as anything more than “come heres” because we were not “born heres.” Oddly, we have not noticed that same situation now that we live in New England.
WOW! You do have stories.
People can be very strange, Dorothy.
Post a Comment