Everything sublime is as difficult as it is rare. Baruch Spinoza

Friday, June 17, 2022

The Fog Lifts

Yesterday I reached my enough point. I made a decision to become proactive in my declining heath and mobility. One might ask, what took me so long? And this is a reasonable question. With some complicated answers. Looming over everything is grinding depression. I have realized I have always been depressed, even in childhood. It would be unreasonable to think a child in the control of a sociopathic mother enabled by a father who really only wanted to protect himself would not be depressed. The feeling was so common to me I had no idea. Then I had a traumatic brain injury in 2011 and the lurking blackness came out in full force. The depression was bad enough, not recognizing myself was another. Brain injuries do that, they can change your personality. I lost large parts of my memory and I don't remember 2011 at all. It's like we skipped a year. I did go on Prozac, which started me on some level of recovery.

I won't go through the long story, short version, I went off my med. There were a conflation of events leading to that choice, but I did it. I had said in the past it's not the best situation that a depressed person makes choices.

I've made another choice, a more reasonable choice. I tried to find out what is wrong with my body a year ago. The doctor was engaged and started with what seemed obvious. After tests and procedures, the obvious was not the problem. The physical therapy was not a solution. I dropped the ball, mostly because the doctor, who I had some confidence in, left the clinic. An easy excuse for me. Consequently, I have spent the last 18 months house bond due to an inability to walk more than a few feet. Sounds insane, I know.

Yesterday I went through the clinic drs, narrowing by location and gender. I don't want anymore male docs if possible. I also looked at age, which is unfair, but an aged woman's problems are only academic if you haven't experienced them yourself. I narrowed down to two. I'll make the decision today and set an appointment. One of the things which has changed in my personality is passivity. That is something I never would have been accused of! I plan to speak bluntly, as in one area in particular. I used to be on thyroid medication. I lost 65 pounds in a year without changing a thing. That doctor retired and ever since I'm told I don't need it. They do not do the complete panel and I'm going to say I want it done. I'll go back to Prozac, it gave me no side effects and was overall effective. Then we can discuss my pain and mobility issues. It's something more than stretching and exercise.

Sometimes the fog clears a bit and rational thinking has a chance to occur. This happened for me yesterday.

12 comments:

Boud said...

It sounds as if you're on a good track now. I hope you find a doctor you can work with. My own preference is for older women medical people, too, and I do well with their help.

Sandra said...

Boud, the dr I saw last year was a 40 something woman and she was concerned, so it's not that it cannot happen, but I think womens health is an overlooked branch of medicine and old fat ladies like me are easily dismissed. My observation. I am feeling a slight tinge of my old self all of a sudden, I need to act while it lasts.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Hope you find a Doctor who treats the whole patient and that you get some answers. Stay cool:)

Sandra said...

Far Side, I had to go to a younger doctor than I wanted, but I hope it will be fine. The prior one was young and she was concerned. I go the end of the month. Sunday and Monday are going to be brutal!

Lori Skoog said...

Sounds like you are headed in the right direction and I'll bet it makes a difference. Thanks for sending a break in the weather today!

Sandra said...

Lori, you are welcome. More bad is on the way, maybe it will take a detour and miss you.

Val Ewing said...

Yes yes yes to this. Finding a doctor who listens is hard but a gem when you can find them.
Female yes. One with experience too would be good.
Wow, the doctors can order a complete panel easily and have it covered. They will order a test if you have symptoms:
What are early warning signs of thyroid problems?
7 Early Warning Signs of Thyroid Issues
Fatigue.
Weight gain.
Weight loss.
Slowed heart rate.
Increased heart rate.
Sensitivity to heat.
Sensitivity to cold.

Mine wanted to check my thyroid and asked me pointed questions so I would answer yes to key questions. Then she added a thyroid test to my blood panel.

In our mobility class we have every range of person. Young/old/ those who need balance and mobility and those who want to improve or maintain what they have. I found this particular class much better than PT as we do things in a group and have a lot of fun.

Kudos to you!

Sandra said...

Thank you for this, Val. The odd part is I was on thyroid medication but no one will listen to me. When I couldn't get the med anymore I piled the weight back on. No one listens to that. I am very sensitive to heat, not as much to cold, and I don't know about my heart rate. This doctor is on the young side, we'll see.

Val Ewing said...

Sandra, it is in your records which confuses me as to why they wouldn't test you for it! Doggonit!

Sandra said...

I am at a different clinic and the dr who prescribed Armor wasn't part of an HMO, she had a private practice. So it's not in the clinics records. It is frustrating!

Val Ewing said...

Eeeks. Ok. Call the clinic that had those records and request them to be sent to you or be picked up. I think they will also send them to your new clinic. There may be something you'd have to sign, but that is something that surely can be done.

if you need my email to ask other questions [I used to be an insurance specialist and a medical billing and coding specialist. I'm a bit rusty but I know how the steps for information...also because I've had to deal with the VA and non VA clinics who could not read each others' notes]
val.ewing at g mail .com
I'm not an expert, but I used to work with helping folks with their records and billings.

You have a great day and hopefully don't get over heated!

Sandra said...

You are kind, Val. Thank you. The dr retired and it was her private practice so there is no clinic to call. this was 5 years ago. I really do appreciate your offer of help, it's really nice of you. I'm going to have an open mind and give this dr a chance.