I wrote last month about a man I was close to in the '70s here who died, unknown to me, five years ago. Being the Nosey Parker I am, I looked him up online and found the mortuary obit. I am so surprised that I did not recognize him at all. I thought I had the wrong person, but reading through it, I did not. Then I thought, we could have run into one another face first on the street and neither would recognize the other.
It is amazing how we change. Not everyone. Mark is recognizable as his younger self. I am not. This man definitely was not. I saw a photo of his brother who was a friend and co-worker and he was even more changed. It felt weird.
Maybe about 1983
I just posted this last week. Current
The only sort of current I could find of Mark. Late 2000-teens. Looks the same now except different glasses.
Mark changed, obviously. He is still recognizable as himself, though. I, on-the-other-hand, really am not. Which is why I shouldn't be surprised I did not recognize the man from my long ago past. He was a handsome Sicilian-American, tall and lean. He lost his looks and his lean, but who am I to talk. Mark has lost the rest of his hair and some of his lean, but he is still my dear, kind nerdy man.
I guess I am shallow, as I focused more on the change in this person than I did on the fact that he is dead and his family will never see the further change that would have come. Perhaps because I no longer knew him, I reacted differently. I knew the man in his twenties, this one, a stranger. I needed time to mourn the loss of youth, the swift passage of time.
21 comments:
Physical changes can be quite dramatic and shocking if you haven't seen someone in a long time and only remember them as young. Between your younger photos and the most recent one I can still tell it is you. You are not as shallow as you think.
I really found out that truth when I couldn't recognize either he or his brother. Not.At.All. Memories I hadn't thought about in decades also surfaced for awhile. Something like this makes you aware of the passage of time. Thank you for the kind words. I still cannot see the old me, but then I may be biased.
My husband and I joke we haven't aged at all. Especially compared to the people we see that we know. Living in the same small town all our lives, it is shock when we see people at reunions or home for a visit and they look SO OLD. Then we see ourselves in a mirror and don't recognize ourselves either. I have now made the no mirror a conscious decision. When I ordered our bedroom set from the Amish a few years ago I had them delete the large mirror on the dresser. No one needs to see us, especially us.
I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. Even if you haven't seen them in decades, the loss of someone our own ages just seems unfathomable. How did the years go by so quickly!
Miss Merry, I was disturbed that I did not recognize him, someone I nearly married. It bothered me. Then when it occurred to me, it would be the same for him. He wouldn't know me. I haven't given much thought to him in many years, but I felt lots of things when this happened. He looked so old 5 years ago. I suppose I did, too. I have mirrors but I don't spend much time in front of them. Why dismay myself!
True, sometimes you recognise a person instantly even after decades, other people have changed so much you don't recognise them at all. Not sure how much I resemble my youthful self.
When we look at out much younger photos, we do indeed know we have aged. Then, when we met other folks who are younger than ourselves but look older, we actually feel better about aging. It's not surprising that you didn't remember how your former friend looked after so many years.
Yes, nick. I think of actors, like Pau; Newman or John Wayne as an example. They were instantly recognizable.I think I'll stop going through photos!
Dorothy, I remembered how he looked at 29. I did not recognize the guy he became. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have known me, either. Usually when someone looks younger than me these usually are!!
I think that's why people get youthful pictures in their obituaries. More likely old friends will recognize them!
Boud, I hadn’t thought of this but you are right. It makes sense.
With the advances in technology and photography, we can watch as people age in a strange and fascinating way.
This is a very interesting conversation. I grew up in a household where my mom always criticized others as they aged.
You know those snide remarks about wrinkles or weight gain or grey hairs.
And then she began to 'age' herself.
I've looked in the mirror and some days am amused at my reflection. Who is that wrinkle faced person? Then I laugh and say -- well, I am weather worn and that is okay.
This would make for some good ideas regarding a blog.
:)
Bald and bearded, I barely recognize myself.
Apparently I haven't changed a bit, or so people tell me, which makes me want to laugh out loud. We all age differently but maybe it's not so much that you didn't recognize him but that you once loved him and now he's gone. Grief comes in many forms.
Val, I guess your mom found she was not immune.
Weather worn, I like that! I may borrow it. I look forward to you writing on the topic.
Don't worry, AC. I recognize you!
Great blog
Pixie, there are people who do not lose whatever it is that makes them recognizable throughout life. You must be one of those. Maybe you are right, although there was a large change. I did recognize the wry smile.
I believe I pass people all the time without recognizing them. Change happens!
Far Side, yes it does.
The aging process is very harsh on ones self concept. Both in looks and physical capabilities. I saw a book at the library and the title was" You Don't Look Your Age and Other Fairy Tales", by Sheila Nevins. It made me laugh. I have often thought I look younger than my age..
The photo of your husband in the restaurant the look on his face seems to radiate that he is looking at someone he enjoys being with and cares about.
Take Care,
Kaye
Kaye, it's really since I've lost weight that I clearly see the aging. Loose skin and wrinkles where the weight had puffed things out. I need to look for that book! It was probably what Mark was eating that made him look that way. He is a kind and devoted man. Matthew and I were fortunate to find him.
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