I scrolled through part of 2010 on my blog yesterday. I picked a random post and just kept going from one to the other. If you've been at this without having left for a decade you won't understand the still odd feeling of being here. It's almost like being an uninvited guest in my own house. 2010 was the last year before my brain injury, when the world went dark for awhile. My reaction was a surprise. Losing yourself is something a person cannot really understand unless it's happened to you. Brain injury very often changes you. Yet, you aren't unaware of the change. You may be if it is an injury which removes memory, but from those I know that's not the case. I do have blocks of memory that are gone, but memory of myself as I was is intact. What surprised me is my seeming acceptance of this thing which I have not been able to accept. I have spent eleven years mourning my loss. Yesterday I laughed at my humor, was surprised by my insight and, of course, amused by my ever present interest in food. I looked through the comments, remembered most of the bloggers, some I didn't. They are all gone now. There are a couple on my blog roll from those long ago days but they weren't people who interacted with me or probably I them much, if at all. Not from the comments I saw. I think maybe I am ready to put the period on the end of that paragraph of my life and start a new line in the saga of me.
6 comments:
I was not aware of your brain injury, but I think I was there before you stopped blogging. Your awareness and attitude are very impressive and I have already told you how much I love your writing. In the short time we have been communicating, it appears to me that you are going in a new and very positive direction. You have made me want to go back ten years on my blog to see what was happening. What I do remember is all of the beautiful photos.....your horses.
Yes, Lori, I knew you back when. I remember your Wassily chair. I saw it in a photo and commented on it because I have one, too. The things our brains latch onto! I am doing somewhat better, much of it is due to medication. I became clinically depressed immediately after the TBI, a very strange thing, getting up in the morning filled with sorrow. I went off meds, because that's what you do when you don't think right. I'm back on and am starting to get better, mentally. It was interesting going back in time.
I cannot even imagine what it would have been like for you. I know of a fellow that I worked with that told me about his wife suffering a TBI and how it changed things for them both.
He didn't really understand it much though.
I am quite honored to have met you know and read about your experiences.
I can't even imagine how difficult it is to deal with a TBI. Strangely enough I watched a program about neuroplasticity the other night and retraining the brain. It was quite interesting. If you're interested, here's the URL.
https://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episodes/the-brains-way-of-healing
I looked back at some of the my blog posts, after I read your post and had forgotten so much that I had written, which surprised me. Strange things, our brains.
Val, I am fortunate that I didn't lose my cognitive ability. My personality changed, I have disassociation and depression. I also lost creativity. On the positive, I lived! I'm also a softer person, which is not so bad. I am happy to be back in the blog community. I think it's good for me. I'm pleased to have met you here. We are state neighbors.
Pixie, thanks for the link. A true statement, strange things, our brains.
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