Everything sublime is as difficult as it is rare. Baruch Spinoza

Sunday, January 25, 2009

When There's More Behind You Than In Front Of You


To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
Bernard Baruch

I have been repeating something a lot lately..........35 years ago, 40 years ago, etcetera, etcetera. 

Someone on facebook was trying to stop smoking and I realized I stopped smoking 33 years ago. Ashley's daughter, Sienna, did a tie-dye project and I realized I wore that look 40 - some years ago. When some of my younger friends reach my age I will likely be DEAD! How's that for an OMG. 

The strange thing about it is, the body ages but not the mind. Hopefully, but not necessarily, one matures. But, I don't think of myself as any different, until I get that unexpected glimpse of myself. Now that's a bitch, when you see yourself without being prepared. When you look in a mirror there is a subconscious preparedness happening. But when you get a glimpse of yourself without thinking about it, that's when the world momentarily collapses around you and leaves you wonder what the @#%$*&^ happened. 

Ten years from now I will look back and wish I was this age again. And if there are another ten years after that I will think the same thing. I think I like the Benjamin Button idea, born old and grow young. Or I could try a portrait in the attic, ala Dorian Gray. In the meantime I guess I'll just continue to hone my 'crazy old lady' persona and get all I can out of this, since I can't seem to figure out how to stop it. I don't think I will go gently into that good night, though.

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